Don't you ever think, sometimes in a relationship, you just wanna be left alone, just for a while. Knowing that everything is happening so fast and too quick, you just want everything to stop. Well maybe you dont, But im feeling that way now. I dont like where i'm going. I told myself before i stepped in my new relationship, Im not gonna be the same. I have made
NO CHANGES. Im not gonna treat him the way i treated my ex boyfriends. Im not going too. Then why do i feel that way? Why do i feel like im exactly like before. Listening to my friends advice me today. Its the same. Listening to *him* tell me what i did wrong. Sounds exactly like before. All my ex boyfriends said the same thing to me.
*i think your abit too controlling*Yeah, ALL my ex boyfriends said that, that's how i lost them i guess. Well except one la, My FIRST ex boyfriend, Jack. He didn't think i was controlling cause i mean he lived with me, under one house.and he was my first love, and i was so use to being with someone ALWAYS next to me. I mean maybe i got too use to him always being around that i want my boyfriends now to take his place or something like that, i think. I know that's bad. I know its bad for making my now boyfriend to do things that only i like to do. But seriously, im changing. Im changing for the better. I guess i just need more time to figure things out properly. to think everything through. i just hope you start to really
UNDERSTAND that im not the same as other girls, i really am not. That's something you just have to accept.
Yesterday, i cried. I cried in front of him, some things just happen out of no where, I dont know how can a human be so happy, laugh, smile, think about positive things, and can just change to some gremlin by like 2 seconds. That was me yesterday, 2 seconds i changed into a different person. Scolding him, shouting, words that came out from my mouth was not pretty, But i didn't even stop myself. I knew what i was saying. Till the end where i just stopped and ask him
" are u sure u still wanna continue with this relationship knowing my attitude is like this?"he said
"Im not ready to loose you yet, no matter what i love you"Im thinking now, I just dont know what to do. I dont know. I dont like when people think that breaking up is an excuse for you to run away. Seriously i dont, But i did it yesterday, Why you ask? Cause i cared. I cared not to make him go through shit with me. I rather leave here then leave 5 months later when its gonna be harder. Yes, its not good to always have negative thinking in a relationship but seriously, i m hard to handle. I really am. There is no guy that can handle me. I can only handle myself. Im trying so hard to change but hmm. I dont know la what to do now exactly. I need someone to tell me what to do. I don't know who to turn to anymore if i have problems, i just dont know who. No one can ever feel the same way your feeling. No one.
-fallen angel-
"Just let me think for a minute"
