As if you have a choice.

Friday, May 30, 2008

I want a new dog

I heard this from my sister today.

"when you do 10 good things, people wont remember, but the 1 bad thing u did, people would never forget"

Get it?

its so true.

-fallen angel-

♥ 8:16 PM

My eyes hurts.

My hands hurts.

My heart hurts.

My lungs hurtss.

My mouth hurts.

My life hurts.

The one thing that i was so afraid of loosing is gone. You happy now?

Whatever la.

I'm shutting off myspace and everything that brings me down to tears.

Everynight, its tears going down my face

-fallen angel-

"and i wish it was you that was knocking on my door"

♥ 2:44 AM

Thursday, May 29, 2008

A day At the Park with Jess, Daryl&Tv

Don't ask what i was doing. I was crazy,
Jess says "makes me look much smarter". funny.
"I stole this shirt from a homeless guy, why he has this shirt that says this, i'll never know".
Bought it long time ago.

Friends4Life.
Although shes the most annoying BITCH ever.

Those pictures were taken long time ago by the way. Just didnt have the time to post it up, after so many things coming in my way. My sister just moved out. Shawn is going to a school nearby here, a chinese school. So, that means he'll be leaving with me like ALMOST forever. Its okay. I have a friend now when i cry.

Last night, he caught me crying and said.
"Nicole, why you crying wan?"
Me.
"Nothing la, go play your game"
Him.
"Don't cry please, i hug you okay?"

And the hug was given. How sweet huh? Thank god he didn't tell my mother i was crying. Would have been asked so many questions then. Well whatever it is. I might use the money dad gave me for my new dog. Thinking about it. hmmm. Gotta go now, wanna do something to make time go fast. Movie i guess. =)

take care.

-fallen angel-

"I wish it was you all along"

♥ 9:41 PM

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

A day at Asia Cafe.

I cant really write much about what happen.Because im using my laptop. And i hate the keyboard. My computer something wrong so i won't be updating that much till i get a new keyboard. Being at asia cafe that day brought so much more memories. Saw a rempit fight right infront of my eyes because of a girl who is not even hot. Dont get it.

There's this guy really crazy over me. Its scary. Im not perasan okay. But yeah. Moving on, bitches should just mind their own business next time.You mess with my friends, you mess with me too. And it ain't gonna be good. Well whatever it is. Wanna go watch a movie now. Take care.

♥ 7:51 PM

Sunday, May 25, 2008

~LOL~

I wanna write about something.

That doesn't involves.

Him.

Emo&depression.

School.

Give me topics.

This is so lame.

-fallen angel-

"Nice timing for the rain to come"

♥ 5:54 PM

Saturday, May 24, 2008

A day going on with the decisions of my life.

Nope, this post is not gonna be emo at all. Because for the last day, i had a great time. I think to myself now, its gone. Whatever i had, I did have. And i'm glad we spend the last minutes together and now, we're back to just normal friends or whatever we call it. I promised him something, and he did the same. I can't promise that i won't do some stupid. But i promise to never ever come in between his life again. I would not. And i choose not to.

Yes, outside we can be the most happiest couple ever. We love each other, that's why we can't fight for long. But as i said to my friend. *Even love birds don't last long*. I'm gonna move on and think back on this day and what we shared for 26 hours. The best 26 hours i can say. And now, i dont even blame him for wanting to walk out the door or whatever it is. I understand the circumstances and

*I'm actually making the hardest words because of rockstar ;)*

I miss my nephew, he got admitted to the hospital because he had a nail infection, you wouldn't wanna know how it looks like. He's coming back only tomorrow. Damn, i feel bad for not being with him today. But i had other things to do. I'm sorry baby. Shawn is like everything to me now. I may treat him like shit infront of my friends. I scold him and i'll kick him. But inside i know he loves me and i love him. And he'll always pick me over my mother. haha ;).

He sucks at smiling PROPERLY..
My eyes abit bengkak. This was yesterday. Sorry. =x

I tend to sing alot nowdays. No idea why. Songs like
"take a bow, always be my baby, Feelings show, I'm in love with a girl".
And so on, and i try my hardest to NOT shed a tear, even though im alone in my house. I really do try my hardest to put my head up high and just go through this problem as if it was just like every other normal problem. And i'll keep on trying.

I might be going to Anis Nabilla's house. Freaky i know. SHES gonna raped me. "muahahaha". Anyways, im going there just so i can go to curve and buy my bikini for curve. And to see her big huge house, so as she said. I wanna plan it out, but shes freaking well not online.
Gonna watch tv now. take care. xoxo

-fallen angel-

You'll always be apart of me Im part of you indefenitly
Girl, don't know you can't escape me
Cause' you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way, you're never gonna shake me
Cause you'll always be my baby.

Ain't gonna cry no, & i won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave Girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably you'll be back again
Cause you know in your heart babe
Our love will never end.

♥ 7:47 PM

Friday, May 23, 2008

I can't sleep.

So im writing a post on how im gonna move on with my life. Its gonna be hard i know. But i'm fed up reading through messages and not even one message is a message where i would read it all over again. This time, im the one trying so hard and im just getting hurt all the time. I go into my room at night and just cry while hearing songs that reminds me of the past. Yeah i know, its kinda stupid right? Still crying nowdays. But yeah i do. I need to do other things to keep my mind off. Since holidays is starting and my dance team is going to be MADE, guess that can keep my mind off things. Im getting really lazy with life and relationships and going out with guys, and throwing yourself out there so you can get some attention. Yeah, im fed up of doing that. That's why i just want to find the one. But im not gonna wait for it. Since its not coming from him, i rather just be alone. Just like him.

Im gonna miss the days where i can call him when i'm having problems with my mum. Im gonna miss him when i need someone to accompany me to the padang or wherever. Im gonna miss messaging him and seeing his laugh. These things are all meant to be miss. But i know im gonna lose it one day, why not just start now. I know i'm gonna regret doing this. I seriously do. But i might regret if i continue without getting any hope on this at all.

The tears are gonna be pouring from time to time. The love is gonna be missing from time to time. The feeling of wanting to be there for that person is gonna come from time to time. But i can't do this anymore. I can't get hurt again from a person i truly love. I won't do that to myself anymore. Love urself before loving others. I should put that to mind. I hope this goes all well.
Im sorry. I know you'll be happier without me. Im making this harder for us. And yeah, this is it.

Im done throwing myself and getting nothing in return,fyi.

-fallen angel-

♥ 2:13 AM

Thursday, May 22, 2008

I just want you close, so that you can stay forever
You can be woah, that it would only get better
You & me together, through the days and nights
I dont worry cause everything is gonna be alright

No one. No one. No one.
Can get in a way with what i'm feeling.

No one. No one. No one.
Can get in a way with what i feel for you.

~ No one - Alicia Keys ~

But you put on quite a show

Really had me going

Now its time to go curtain's finally closing

that was quite a show very entertaining.

But its over now go on and take a bow.

Talking about "girl i love you, you're the one"

This just looks like a re-run

please, what else is on

~ Take a bow - Rihanna ~

Guess which song i really do love, and listen to it most of the time.

I never knew that i would be the ONLY person in this world that is going through the same thing, i have a friend that is going through it too and she doesn't have ANY advice for me. Oh well, I guess love isn't always all perky&happy. You can be so happy at one time, but so feel so hurt at another time. Maybe its us girls, fault. But then sometimes they dont know how to treat us correctly. They think they know the best for us, which actually they dont. They just know what is best for their oh damn well self. Im still doing the things and i will continue it. But im not sure when im gonna break, maybe sooner or later..

Im sorry for cracking up on you all the time. You can't blame me too with the way you always treat me nowdays. Things are just not the same but i still do love you. Hmm, not like these words are gonna make a difference. Nothing in this world makes a difference anymore.

And, MANCHESTER UNITED Is SO GONNA WIN CHAMPIONS LEAGUE!

Yes, i pay attention to football, i know its surprising, but i do okay. After being with him for 3 months, yeah, football has become my addictive friend. LOL.

I'll be blogging later about MAN U winning, kott! hahahah

-fallen angel-

"too lazy to edit it"

♥ 12:15 AM

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

" Yeah, usually when i love someone the most, i can't get that person, and its just sheer badluck into my relationships with that person, and what else can i do, i love you, and i always would until another girl comes over and takes my place, i'll leave and never turn back, to do it now is gonna be hard"

Yeah, i gave that words to him and guess what? Tears just started rolling down my face. Mann, i've never cried like for so long already. I think one week, and today was the day i broke down. I was fine, it was perfectly fine just loving him and not being able to be with him. But thinking on the long road, its not gonna do any good. To me or to him. I don't get it, why sometimes its so hard to just be with that person? Why does he always have to think about the future and what happens in our relationship. Why can't for now he just love me and be with me? Is it so hard?

I see guys nowdays trying to find for the right girl in the their life, actually its not hard to find a girl, its just how you treat that girl in your life. You don't act like you want her, then you'll never get her. On the other hand, im here, crazy over you and not thinking about how much this is hurting me inside yet i throw myself to you with so much love&care, yet you act like you don't want it. And im still continue doing it. Yeah, of course everyone tells me "you're stupid, you're gonna get hurt again, You know once he get another girl in his life, hes just gonna throw you away." Yeah he is, i know he is. I know he might. I mean relationships in your school years NEVER work out for long. The ones that do work out, i give full respect to them.

I want that.

I want someone that can love me the same way i love them. I want someone that would care for me just for me, not because of my money or what i have. I want someone that will tell me "eventhough you cry almost everyday, you're still the most beautiful girl in the world".
I want someone that is there for me unexpectedly, that would do things out of surprise, i dont have to tell that person what to do and what to be. He would just know how to make me happy by himself. Try to understand what i went through, listen to me and dont just go "uh huh" and never listen to a word i say.

I told my bestfriend that day " i might stop the friendship and just move on ". She said,

" dont do things that you know you can't do, Don't regret before you do something, its not over, show him what you're relationship was, show him that even when you both are over, you are having the faith to still keep that relationship".
That words keep on ringing in my mind, i keep on thinking. I know my life is gonna be quite hard when i stop the friendship, i know. Because there is no one else that can ever take his place, ever in my heart. Although it was only 3 months, i wish i met him much much earlier.

After all this words, i just wish he was with me.

~The little Things - colbie caillat~

-fallen angel-

Another post that won't mean anything.
*How many tears that may fall down your face it ain't gonna be a difference*

♥ 1:03 AM

Monday, May 19, 2008

I'm ADDICTED to :

~ Diner Dash, PSP ~

~ Songs from Jesse mccartney ~

~ Chicken Burger, Special (1) ~

Yeah, Im addicted to that now. Since my nephew is staying for a pretty long time now, My sister too. I get to play with the PSP like all that long. haha. So freaking cool.
Tomorrow, school starts again, boo-hoo. Starting off with Arts, I havent did a single thing.
So gonna die, and i suck at arts like so badly. Whatever.

I feel like my blog is so dull right now, no more real drama happening. I feel like writing something really EMO and what im feeling. But i can't seem to put it too words. God, i think i lost my sense of blogging. Hope it comes back soon.
Gtg now, wanna play DINER DASH again. lolz

-fallen angel-

♥ 8:01 PM

Sunday, May 18, 2008

A Day with Shawn Matthew Jalleh & Jeswena Kaur.

Them singing. Shawn was singing
" Apologize by one rupeblic."

Diner Dash.
Love This Picture.

Bubble Bubbly.

DINER DASHHHH!!

Shawn Matthew Jalleh & Me.
Jeswena Kaur.

Im too lazy to write what happened the whole day.
So im just posting pictures.

-fallen angel-

♥ 7:58 PM

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Just came back from Sunway Pyramid. We took a bus there, came back with asye. Had to pay for his petrol, RM5. Ish, but bus is scary at night so yeah. these are the pictures.

The picture said it all.

Subway. she was really hungry.

In the dressing room. Forever 21. haaa
So fat right? I know.
This is her dress. I love it.

Tomorrow we might go there again, either sunway or subang parade. Yeah. we have nothing else to do. i wonder what's gonna happen when exams finish. We'll be going out everyday. im so tired. Gtg now. and he's sleeping btw. I miss him.

Had the best night last night.

-fallen angel-

♥ 10:15 PM

Friday Day Out.

Yesterday went to MidValley, Mann, its been damn long since i went there. i feel so outdated with the whole place. and so much memories made me think so much of the past, how i used to hang out there like all the time with my ex bf. Oh well, Now i have a new set of friends so yeah. Went out with Asyrafeeq, Fatcat ( rockstar), Fikry/Jack. Anyways, I went there with like no money at all. Asye wanted so badly for me to go, cause he wants me to meet up with fikry.
Went there for a movie and makan and just walking around. I wore this heels that were freaking high and i forgot that it was the shoes that ALWAYS makes my feet have blister, but i didn't complain. Just walk around. I was out for like 11 hours. Left at 1:20pm, came back at 12:30. Watch IronMan, I seriously thought it would be better then that, but its somewhat cooL. Next movie is, "what happens in vegas". Ohmygod, i want so badly to see that movie. I want I want.
Yeah, pictures now.

Me in the afternoon.

FatCat. * Rockstar *.
" Now you know why i call him a rockstar"

My bestfriend, the one and only Asyrafeeq.

This is fikry/Jack. He's nickname is jack too.
How weird. heee

Asye, Fikry & Fatcat.
Guys would forever be Guys

Them, sitting down.
Waiting for the movie to start.
We were talking about so many things.
Hahaha. Fruits and gossips.
"If you know what i mean"

Hes My Gossiper Rockstar.

Asye & Fikry,
Guysss!

Ending the day is Mr Rockstar.

So at 12 30 in the morning, i went to jeswena's house to take her to my house. Shes staying with me for 3 days, because her parents are going to Johor or something like that. When i left her house, infront of Ethan's house were filled with motor-bikers. Wondering who the hell was that and i saw some people that i did not want to see. God, spoil my mood only. Then after that, we we reached my house, and Jack came over around 1 am to go fetch my mother from Country Barn, End up she walked all the way to ENS at 1:30 in the morning.
God, dont know what's wrong with her.
Jack stayed over till uhrm 4.00am. We talked about alot of things..
Hmm, whatever la. I just dont like it when guys play with my emotions.

Pictures :

Jess & Me.

This was so CANDID. i Swear!

~ I wish we can be the same again~

-fallen angel-

♥ 3:43 PM

Thursday, May 15, 2008

So today, while waiting for ETHAN to come back from his "friend's house", They came to my house instead. Musy, afifi & Naim. Had nothing else to do. So started taking out my guitar and playing, and then my mum switch on the keyboard, so naim was playing drum beats by the keyboard. So weird. he was only using two fingers. Then! Ethan SHOWED up, for after like one hour&a half, he hugged everybody and said he's sorry for being late. Then my mum was making shisha, so we "smoked" for a while, then left for ethan's house to jammed there instead.
Pictures, there you go.
CAUTION: MUS IS IN EVERYPICTURE. ISH!

JAMMING DAY AT NICOLE'S HOUSE.

Mus & Me. Got nothing else to do. i look so weird, haa

Mus took this, i look so ugly. Nevermind.

He bajet so poyo, LAMOOO! that's my hand! hahah

Presenting :
Naim on the keyboard and mussy on the guitar.

Mussy with MY guitar. hahaha.

Syamil & Mus.
Their the biggest GAY couple in our class.
YOU do not want to know what they do.
Cute huh?

Musy, Afifi & Ethan. hee

JAMMING AT ETHAN'S HOUSE.

Naim on the drums.

Ethan on the guitar.

That is it.

The day didn't end yet, at about 5 pm, everyone went back home to their own places, and i went back home to change because i was gonna meet my bestfriend. guess who?

Yeah, Him!

I walked all the way to usj5 padang because he was too lazy to walk to the padang nearby my house. I did it all by myself. Walking all by myself. But yeah, rajin la kononnya, So anyways, while waiting for him. I took more pictures of me. heee.

I was looking whether he was coming or not. I hate this picture of me. but i love the trees.
It looks so beautiful.

Yes i know, im very vain. haha
I can LAUGH at this picture weh. hee.

So yeah at 6 30 we walked all the way back to usj3, we lepak-ed at padang 4 for a while, then he send me back home. He did something before like saying bye, i was freaking shocked. Mann, i miss his hug. Damn. Oh well, Hes my good friend now, i can only be greatful for that.
That's it i guess, tiring day. Very very. And tomorrow im going to school for ONLY
Pendidikan Jasmani exams. How weird weh. But yeah, have too go for 3 weeks, i promised them.
Yeah, gtg now. My hand hurts. Take care. xoxo

~ You know I'm always thinking of you~

-fallen angel-

♥ 7:46 PM