As if you have a choice.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

hey everyone.

Im stopping by just for a while. Nothing else to do in the cc. I have like 30 more minutes to go. Everyone has been treating me so nice except for that oh so stupid asshole. Oh well. Nevermind. Another 2 more subjects to go. Me and my study group friends really dont have the mood to study anymore. Maybe because its already ending..

I miss everyone. Everyone is complaining how they know nothing about my life anymore. Yeah, i feel that too. Im so quiet nowdays. Im crying in my room. But yet i act as though i have nothing wrong in my life. I shud just stop even crying ya know. Oh well.

I have nothing much to say. This is all i guess. Take care everyone

-fallen angel-

♥ 9:08 PM

Thursday, November 20, 2008

I'll be leaving my blog like this for a while. Till end of the month. Because i wont have the time to sign in into the internet, walk all the way to usj4 cc and sign in there. So im just gonna leave my blog. Dont tell me to update when you know i can't. Lol. 2 more weeks and im free. Everyone start singing. Okay, im crapping. Will miss you guys. Lovez.

-fallen angel-

♥ 3:05 PM

Im here again. Using the laptop. Cause my computer is currently in the shop being rebooted. My images, videos, songs and so much more other stuff has been deleted. I dont know how to get it back. Be more vain i guess. Oh well. Im done with all the hard subjects except est. And arts, fucking hard mann. Im so gonna fail arts, i swear to god. Teacher say its hard to fail, but i swear i will.

I listen to "Quit Playing Games - Backstreetboys" All the time now. Its stuck in my phone and in my head everywhere i go. Maybe its what im feeling in my heart. You should really stop playing with my heart. I dont like the way your treating me. So hes off my myspace now. Im sorry. You know it hurts to read the comments from your profile. It just hurts. Too bad.

I miss someone. Its not wrong to tell the world i miss you, but i cant say who it is because i dont know. I feel weird missing him all of the sudden Alot. Its weird im actually thinking about him. . Oh well. I know it doesn't mean anything. But yeah. I miss you, bb.

My legs hurt now. Fucking cramp now. Fuck fuck fuck It hurts.

*after 5 minutes*

Okay, im better..

I walked home in the rain tonight. Felt like something wasn't right.

The doors around me all close. I had no where in my life i could go.

I just want you to know, that i;ve been finding to let it go.

Somedays i'll make it through, and then theres nights that never end.

I wish i could believe, that theres a day you could come back to me

But still i have to say, I miss you. I really do.

Okay, this so doesn't make sense. But whatever. Just something i put together. Good nite.

-fallen angel-

♥ 12:01 AM

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

"Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you"

David Archuletta - Im just a little too not over you.

Hey, im back. And i dont know what to say. I think i lost all my mojo in blogging. I have no mood to blog at all. I come back home from school and im straight to the bed, sleep till late night. And then i stare at the computer, without switching it on. Feel tired. Back to the room to study. Wake up wee hours in the morning, and my head is in the books. Yes, Books. So im sorry for not updating so long. Just been a buzy hectic day. Im supposed to be sleeping now. But i know i'll be wasting my sleeping hours when i can do something useful. So yeah.

Alot of things have been happening this week. Only the people really close to me knows whats going on. Its nothing new. But it can't be kept in. So, im sorry to the person that has to hear the same thing all the bloody time. I feel like meeting a new friend so i can tell all new secrets too. But that person would get annoyed again too. Oh well, im just crapping right now..

Fucking stupid commercial bullshit thingy. After 5 months fucking not paying me. The bloody agent calls me and tells me he needs me on wednesday to do a new shooting, because the manager doesn't like one part. What the fuck? I can't fucking say anything.. Cause he would start adviving and bla bla shit, like he knows a fucking shit about my life. Which YOU DONT! FYI!. fucking bastard. Ohmygod, im so annoyed with you and your stupid commercial. I dont like being treated like this. Not anymore.

As goes for you mister. You and your fucked up girlfriend can go to hell. Seriously. Get a life. Dont treat me like im a small kid that you can bully around like usual. You wanna call and tell me to stop bothering you. get your fucking facts right first. Cause everything she tells you and everything that is happening is fucking bullshit. Dont scold me for things i never do. Again, i got better things to do then to mess with your
PATHETIC.LOSER.LIFE.SERIOUSLY!

Four more papers. 2 subjects. Two weeks till its over. 2 weeks till my birthday/non 10 months anniversary And i already dont have the mood for anything. Why? Why dont i have the mood for anything anymore. Studying blues i guess. My dog is being a bastard. Asshole. Stop bothering me. Retard.

-fallen angel-

♥ 10:03 PM

Friday, November 14, 2008

10 things i have to do before i reach 20.

Meet Wade Robson.
Cut my hair really really short, till like over my ears.
Turn back to God.
See paris.
See a real live football game
*manchester united must be playing*
Make my own CD with my own voice
Dance infront of a big audience
Win MONEY for my dance.
Record myself dancing and put it on youtube.
Be a professional dancer.

LOL..

IM A L.O.S.E.R

-fallen angel-

♥ 8:32 PM

I have 4 Days Free.

Im awake at 9.00am. Message all my friends for a study group today. But no one replied. Must be sleeping. Im the one up early today, surprisingly. After this 4 days. Its Science, Pendidikan Moral, Arts & English Science & Technology. Im studying for Moral today. The nilai's not all in my head yet. Oh well. My mum is not here for the week, shes going to sri petaling because shes bored here. My astro got cut off. My house phone got cut off. So if she can't watch tv or complain to anyone, shes bored. Yes shes like that.

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up

You, you don't really wanna stay, no
You, but you don't really wanna go, oh

I should know.

That you're not gonna change.

Walk away please? If you want to hurt me again just to see how much my heart longs for you. Just go. I rather not be a complete idiot here thinking you actually love me. When you dont. Now, i see you as this pathetic loser that has a girlfriend but wants to go telling every other "gedik" girls that you're actually single. Please think before you do stuff. I have done E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G to keep this. So do something too. Dont just make me do all the bloody hard work. I rather not put myself in a position again. So dont be a fucker and grow up, please?

-fallen angel-

♥ 9:33 AM

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Ignore the last post. Just bullshit i have to go through

Every Single Day.

Even at spm, my eyes are still bengkak cause of the crying, i mean what else? And i can't believe it hurt this bad. Thought i would get used to it. But whatever la. By the way, My MySpace is going to be G.O.N.E very soon. Im too lazy to check it already. No one comments or comments my pictures anyways, So having myspace is a total BORE. So yeah.

Maths is done.

Sejarah is done

Bahasa melayu is done.

English is done

4 down

4 more to go.

=))))))!!

*After i finish my Sejarah Paper, i was thatttt bored*

You're a smart BITCH!

Help me.

My masterpiece. lol

"Yes, drama is still in my life. Everywhere i go. Today i was doing maths, of course i finish one hour earlier cause im that "smart". LOSER. So yeah, i was looking at this particular person. I realize he looks like a mouse. And then another person, he looks much more ugly then before. And i was just wondering.. *DOT DOT DOT*. Not to be stated here. =))

-fallen angel-

Oh Oh I forgot!>

My poem i did in maths paper 2.

Exams are here,

Its so hard to get through

Wish i paid more attention

Then i won't be stuck here not knowing what to do

Everyone around me looks just as blur as i am

But im sure they understand how to do that question involving a driving man

My parents never push me

Maybe that's why i turn out this way

Got to do study much more after this

Get everything glued in my head

=)))

♥ 6:46 PM

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Why you have to be the biggest B.I.T.C.H sometimes?

I f.a.r.k.i.n.g stand up for you all the bloody time. Tell you to stop blaming yourself, be there for you. And you still can't stop acting like a bloody small kid. Oh mygod, grow up la! You're so fucking irratating and annoying, that is WHY people bugged you all the time. Live up to it that you just can't answer back. So you just shut the hell up!! Get it?

For all days, this happen today..

fucked up.

And no, dont ask me about my sejarah. I just failed it like shit. Im tired, cranky and hungry. And only eating dinner & lunch at 8 pm later. how fucked up can today get? God, stupid SPM. Be over mann. You;re really killing me. Dont make me cut my own throat bitch.

♥ 7:01 PM

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

You’re gonna be a shining star, fancy clothes, fancy car-ars.
And then you’ll see, you’re gonna go far.
Cause everyone knows, who you are-are.
So live your life, ay ay ay.

First thing i come back home, I switch on my computer, internet, etc and listen to the best songs in the world nowdays. . Live your life - rihanna feat T.I, If i were a boy - Beyonce, Whatever you like - T.I, Global Deejays, Dj Tiesto, Fuck. Damn. Alot. Of. Songs.

And no, im not gonna talk about what happen in b.m. But lets just say i did the best i can do. Glad bahasa melayu is over and done with. God, fucking fucked up. But i think i did better then all my last exams. Hope everything works out. Sejarah, can pass.. Im sure.. Tomorrow is sejarah2*FUCK YOU* and English. Can't wait for ENGLISH. Im fucking tired. Gonna sleep a while then will be back on later. Love you people =))

-fallen angel-

♥ 6:53 PM

Its here. Its finally here.

Woke up 4 hours earlier just to go through bm books. How crazy am i sometimes? Oh well. Wishing everyone luck and faith. =))

-fallen angel-

♥ 7:00 AM

Monday, November 10, 2008

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed.

It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I’d forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

Currently Listening to "If i were a boy by beyonce".

She sounds so different yet the same. I didn't even realize it was her. Im so dead sleepy. I feel like i've been neglecting my old friends alot. Maybe its cause im changing and cause im like really dead buzy. Everytime i wanna reply its like something else comes up. And no,im not wasting my life or doing something like watching tv or something. Just important stuff. Anyways, im sorry to shafique, asyrafeeq, and pacad for not replying your messages. I'll try not to do it again.

Just came back from study group. A whole misunderstanding fight happen just now. But i think its fine now. So yeah. Its nothing much. I didn't really study today cause i had this massive stomach pain, its disturbing me now too. Its freaking hell hurts. So i just put my head on the table the whole time while listening to nazeem and jeswena talk. It still hurts =(. Hope it won't happen tomorrow or something...

Soo...............

ITS.....

TOMORROW!

TOMORROW

I asked my friends today. Whether they felt like they wasted their school life. And everyone said yes, they wasted like 24 months of their school life. Me too. Well too late to regret now, its freaking TOMORROWWWW!!

Im sleepy. Good nite.

-fallen angel-

♥ 7:10 PM

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Hello blogger.

Im back.

After the weekend, i feel so very tired. Been up from 4 in the morning till like 2 pm. Then sleep, then go out then come back again, then study again under this bright yellow light. I was alone for two days. So that's good. I could concentrate much more. And i had iffah's note. "Sorry babe".
So, my study group peeps are pissed off with me because i didn't tell them i was going to my hometown. And i didn't bring my charger. So my fon was off most of the time. And when i switch it on for a while, there was already 16 missed calls. But i couldnt reach anyone cause well its off so yeah. Came back here just now around 5 pm, then charge my fon and full of messages saying they miss me and where the hell am i. Hahha, my bad la babes.. =))

So "Its" less then 48 hours. Im scared. Yes now its finally hitting me. This is where everything starts. This is where you know where your life is gonna end up. Well actually in march, but still. Same thing. This is where you find out whether your a winner or a loser. Im pretty much both. My dad called just now. He told me this.

"Nicole, no matter what happens after the results come back, remember i still love you for what you are and what you will become. Just try your hardest. As long as i know you did your best and gave it 100%, its good enough. You know im not the type of father that would push you to do anything. I never did that. You decide what you want in life. You want me to help, i'll be there. But the rest is up to you and what you want in L.I.F.E. Do your best baby.

My mum?

Lets just say shes always there for me no matter what..

I realize alot of parents are the type that pushes their daughter or son to be what THEY want them to be. But not mine, i guess sometimes i do feel lucky having them as my parents. Maybe my mum was right, i always took advantage of what they gave me as parents. I love you, mum and dad.

All my friends are here for me.

Their building my confidence up one percent to another. He's here for me. Although the other one isn't. But i dont blame him anymore. Its not his fault. Its mine. And its okay. My dad wasn't happy to hear some stuff that happen to me "recently" if you know what i mean. He said "its gonna be a regret if you're gonna continue what you hated last time, dont put yourself in this position, you know you as my girl, you deserve better". And yeah i do. You think you're so great? Think again..

That's it i guess.

-fallen angel-

"Thanks friends.
SPM candidates, lets do it.
Lets give the best that we never did,
Move forward and never look back,
Do your best and never forget.,

♥ 11:54 PM

Friday, November 7, 2008

Im up. Yes, up at 7 15 in the morning. And im bored. So im blogging. Im watching russell peters on youtube too. Jack chan introduce it to me long time ago, and im watching all of it now. Oh well. I unprivated my blog already. Its time as usual. Sooner or later, im gonna private it again. I think. Depends what goes on in my life. Im very dramatic so im sure something would come up. Im excited for today. No idea why but im just damn excited. In another 5 hours im gonna meet up wth my bestfriend. Daym! Been long weh..

So the singapore/hongkong/south africa trip is on, Somewhere around the middle of january. Since my step sister from my father's side wants to see how much of a grown lady i've become. Im not really grown yet, just full of fats. Gonna get my text phone! Im calling it a text phone. I do not care what it is called. But im calling it a text phone. Cuz' it looks nice when people use it for sms-ing. haha. My dad promised me that phone already, just one thing. I hope it works here. If it doesn't. Waste of bloody money mann. But singapore is cheap. No problem laaaa...

Im really crapping aren't i? Really have nothing to do. Just now study group, was fun. At first it was boring but when i started askign questions everyone was laughing because i couldn't speak the bahasa melayu words properly. Shit. Nevermind. So it was fun. Camwhored. And then after that went to this arabian shop in ss15. To celebrate thevanesh birthday party. He's ALLLLL GROWWWNNN UPPPPP... Happy Birthday Dude! Then went homee..

Oh yeah, i wont be blogging for the weekends cause i'll be really buzy this weekend. Doing alot of things. Meetings. And study group, bla bla bla. =)) So miss me will ya?

"4 more days"

Doesnt it just scare you? Haih..

-fallen angel-

♥ 7:15 AM

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Study Group.

"Yes we camwhore AFTER it"

Jeswena & Me.

See! There's BOOKS!

Iffah & Me.

I was taking pictures of the books, she "masuk campur"

Haha, I was Bored.

Honey Honey.

Iffah's Phone.

HotStuff Dowh. haha

Yes im the only one posing. My bad.
I just C.A.N.N.O.T smile with my teeth.
"Suck in it"

-fallen Angel-

"Will Blog More Tonight. Have to Memorize My Moral Nilai. Love you people"

♥ 7:14 PM

I got nothing else to say already.

Everything i do say is either childish or just plain stupid.

All i wanna say now

I miss Shafique, Suet Ling, Asyrafeeq, Pacad, Anis Nabilla & Jack. A

And now, the SPM fever is starting to hit me. Im freaking out. So i made a study group tomorrow from 8 am to 4 pm. All the way, Sejarah, Bahasa Melayu and E.S.T. Why you think im bloody well up at 6:30 in the morning. I dont get up for nothing you know? So will be waiting for iffah, anissa, jeswena, thevanesh, sarah to come. I know this is kinda hard to believe but please build my confidence for me.. Thank you very much..

-fallen angel

"5 days till i enter H.E.L.L"

♥ 6:20 AM